John has been among twentieth or some visitor in my so called ultra-fancy accommodation per day or a few days. For some time my pleasurable job has been to host people who are searching for some nice corpses.
I thought he might have been visited Romania first, before Serbia. Cowardly, he avoided that: “It’s not a smart idea to get fucked with Vlad Țepeș”
I must admit I’m proud of his sophisticated knowledge in Serbian language. “Yeah”, he said: “Never have I been so pleased to know there is really one and only one original Serbian word – vampire.”
“Good God”, I thought for myself – this guy must be a lunatic. Of course, there couldn’t be a better place in the Earth to show John everything we have and we are.
We took a slow and precise walk through downtown. He liked the girls. He liked the boys. I mean, he really liked our people. “This is Heaven on Earth”, slipped out of his deep throat. “Your people are so handsome. I must have them all.”
“Of course, John, everything has its price and your amazing country USA is one of our biggest and hardest penetrator and culture donator.“
“I don’t like my own observation that most of them are heavy smokers. It’s not healthy at all.”
“Fuck, John”, I added “we’re living fast and short. There is nothing as stupid as – tomorrow.”
“So, this all could be mine, even confluence of the Sava river into the Danube”, John victoriously shouted on the highest point of Kalemegdan Park near The Statue of the Victor.
“John, my bro, one way or another we are all yours and everything is yours, dead or alive. The choice is all yours; we’re not supposed to ask for anything. But, to be honest with you, save a little water for our Abu Dhabi sinking friend.”
“Could I have The Church of Saint Sava?”, he asked as a fair deal.
“Well, that is slightly beyond my modest lobbying powers. You have to negotiate with our secular orthodox rulers.”
He has been so keen to learn something more in Serbian language; more than a word vampire. The best thing to gain upon someone is to show him some usual curses. First lesson is expecting him in his mailbox, as a reminder if and when he returns to USA.
On the spot, I’ve started from some simple but not less efficient words. He was delighted; he was so bloody delighted by getting to know there is nothing and nobody we are pardoning from ourselves among ourselves.
Thank you all for your split minded attention!
This article is sponsored by my crazy mind, and if USAID wishes to contribute as they’ve contributed to Serbian parliament official site (scroll to the very end of their homepage), they’re welcome, as Hell!
Aleksandra Perić 